SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
She's like a pop up book from hell.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
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