you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
