its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
