I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
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