Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Randomize
