i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
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