im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
