Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
