She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
