I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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