i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
