Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
