I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
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