im having a threesome with these popsicles
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
