i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
I didn't notice because vodka
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
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