i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Randomize
