Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
