Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Randomize
