Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
