Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Randomize
