Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
