dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
