plz talk dirty to me
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
