P.S. I can't hear my feet
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
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