i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
