ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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