I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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