i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
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