your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
