Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
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