he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
