Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Randomize
