We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
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