I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Randomize
