Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
