Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
