dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize