drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
