the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
