I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Randomize
