Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
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