Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
