I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
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