nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
