do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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