shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
