He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
