I can feel you judging me through the phone.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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