I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
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