The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
Sober January is a disaster.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Randomize
