as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Randomize
