i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
