there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
My vagina just clenched in fear
Randomize
