Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
