You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Randomize
