Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
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