I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
