I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
