Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
That's how pantless uber rides happen
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
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