remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Randomize
