He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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