I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
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