STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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