Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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