I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
