Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
