Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize