i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
My vagina just recognized that song.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
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