i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
