New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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