True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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