I'd wear matching sweaters with you
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
