cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
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