I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize