it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Randomize
