I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
I like my sex mixed with concussions.
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
